What’s the real question?

We all know sad stories and many of us know horror stories.  I’m in the middle of a sad story that could easily turn into a horror story as I make myself available to be present within the lives of some young people.  There are a lot of broken people in the world who are suffering or filled with frustration and anger.  They might live next door to you or across the street.  Makes you wonder; do you know who your neighbors are? 

We’re quick to hide from one another.  Perhaps you have an automatic garage door opener and can pull into your garage, get out of your car, and go into your house without ever talking to a single a person.  It’s phenomenal how modern technology can isolate us from human contact.  We’ve become afraid of who the neighbor is and all the problems they might have. 

Those of us who do attempt to engage the other, the stranger, the person outside of our circle of friends have to (re)learn the art of conversation.  This is especially important when crossing cultural and generational boundaries.  It’s weird how all of us were once teenagers but none of us seem to know how to really relate to them (ok so some of us in youth ministry are really good at being with youth but lets face it, most of you feel like me, inadequate and out of touch).  The other night I was taking some youth home and they were imitating “Mad TV” lines.  That’s about as much as I understood; that it was from “Mad TV”.  I tried to enter into the conversation at one point when I thought I understood what they were talking about.  But, since they didn’t seem to expect me to converse with them, or I was too quite, my pathetic verbal mumbling didn’t seem to have been heard. 

If we’re so inadequate in relating to youth on a “normal” conversational level (yes, it may not really be “normal” to us, but it is to them.  what’s normal anyway) how can we relate to them on a spiritual level?  I’m sure we all think that we have the spiritual answers to the problems that people face.  I confess that my spiritual ego can get quite big at times in telling people here is the answer to their problems with some nice words that I speak.  The reality is that most people just need an ear that will love them and a heart to encourage them.  The sad story turning into a horror story is one such case.  I racked my brains for an answer to the dilemma that these young people are facing and could come up with nothing.  I don’t have silver or gold to give but what I have is love through the Jesus that enables me to listen, pray, and touch them in their hearts to bring true healing and transformation to all the pain and bitterness that is part of life.  

Our work in youth ministry takes us into the lives of young people where we feel foreign and alienated as we misunderstand the communication that is happening all around us.   We might respond to our calling into this different world by imposing our questions, our beliefs, our ways upon the young people we encounter.  This imposition is a failure to incarnate the reality of Jesus Christ but we all do it; I do it.  We cling to our power to define what is truth, what is right and wrong, what is good and bad and fail to uncover the work of the Holy Spirit that is already happening in their lives.

I’m not saying that the beliefs and truth that we’ve recieved are wrong.  On the contrary, they are teachings entrusted to us that we must take responsibility for passing on to the next generation.  But, the pieces of truth that we may be ready to communicate are not the pieces of the puzzle that are needed at the moment.  Perhaps the young people your reaching out to are sleeping together, smoking pot, etc. these things are dangerous and harmful as well as sinful.  But, they may not be the place to start in building a relationship with them or talking about God.  We need to ask what is the real question, the questions that they the youth are asking. 

What are the things that these youth are most concerned about?  What are the problems in their lives from their perspective?  What are the challenges that they face and what are the underlying needs and reasons for them to have traveled down the road into destructive lifestyles?  Until we get at the heart issues we’re only focusing on the externals and potentially imposing our ways upon them.  It’s the same as most cold remedies; they only take care of the symptoms but not the cause and the cause is deeper than just saying it’s sin which it is.  The cause consists of the influences, actions, home, the whole context of their lives that has guided them, opened the doors for them to journey into the sin they’re living in. 

What is the real question for these young people?  If we begin where they’re heart is at while also discerning where the Holy Spirit is working (who is more than likely not convicting them of all of their sins at once but God, through the Holy Spirit, is working at one part of their life, one piece of the puzzle, establishing a foundation, creating the possibility for healing and relationship) we create the potential for conversation about truth.  The more conversation that includes them wrestling with love, truth, and life the more they’re able to accept the reality of God in their worldview and heart creating the possibility for them to allow the Holy Spirit to change their lives. 

It’s a journey and as in all journeys if the journeyer is faithful in heading in the right direction eventually they’ll arrive at their destination which in this case is a relationship with God. 

~ by rodmarmis on January 29, 2008.